I spent Wednesday catching up on organizing, backing up my photos and just taking it easy. No plans, no running around to meet up with people, nothing scheduled. I thought about what I was doing, where I was going. Why am I here? I'm not even sure I know what I'm looking for at this point. I do know that I have enjoyed everything thus far. My experience has been so clairvoyant that it feels almost overwhelming at times. On my last full day in the Bay area I went down to the docks near Andy's place. Walking around there was so intense for some reason. At one point the water was so calm I felt as though I could have walked on it. There was little to no conversation between myself and Andy as we walked side by side. There were moments where I could barely control my laughter as I read off the names of some of the boats docked. I'm not sure why I was laughing so hard. But, it was just so intense. All of it. Finally, on my walk back home I stopped to take the picture below as the sun disappeared behind the Pacific. I didn't modify the picture at all, and I snapped it with my phone. In fact all the photos I've posted here so far have been taken with only my phone.
Tonight, I feel like I was able to conceptualize something that has been making me very uncomfortable. We only have so much time here. What do we do with it? Why do we not keep this at the forefront of our consciousness? Is it because we don't want to confront it? These thoughts reminded me of a point during my undergrad years when I lived in Allston. The place I lived in was a bit shady, and I was in a very unhappy state of mind. But, one day while riding the B line into the city I suddenly noticed the warmth of the sun hitting the back of my neck. At that moment I had such a deep appreciation for that warmth, for the sun, and for being aware.
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